


Paterfamilias

by justalittlegreen



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: (totally consensual just unsexy), Anxiety, Care, Love, Mercy - Freeform, Multi, Negotiations, OT3, Parenthood, Paternity, Poly, Pregnancy, Redemption, Sacrifice, drunk hawkeye, mittelschmertz, period-typical drinking, pregnant woman drinking, soft conks, unsexy sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2020-10-24 12:51:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20706299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justalittlegreen/pseuds/justalittlegreen
Summary: In which the Punnicutts negotiate the expanding of their family. (Written in an attempt to capture some of the struggles of the thing without abandoning the characters.)





	1. Chapter 1

Peggy paused as Erin barreled down the hallway, flattening herself against the wall to let her pass. Erin's braids flew behind her, a pair of awkward brown wings against her pink and white polka dot dress. Peg listened as she rounded the bend, and nodded slightly when she heard the bathroom door click shut. As soon as her mind settled out of concerned-curiosity mother mode, she noticed the cramp. Right side. Low. Just about where - 

Peg went into the kitchen and checked the calendar. Not that she'd been tracking, exactly, but she could remember that her time of the month had coincided inconveniently with a hospital charity function she'd had to attend with BJ two weeks prior. That made sense. She didn't always get midmonth discomfort, but this was apparently one of those months.

BJ came in the kitchen door, caught her frowning at the calendar. 

"Peg?"

"Mmm?"

"Something wrong with the schedule?"

Somewhere in the house, a toilet flushed. Both Peggy and BJ inclined their heads toward the sound and simultaneously called, "Wash your haaands!" 

"I know!" came a petulant reply.

"I'll go supervise," BJ said, heading down the hall.

"Wait."

He looked back. 

Peg put a hand on her stomach. "I think it's time," she said.

"For lunch?"

She rolled her eyes and tilted her head toward the calendar. "It's been about two weeks, since..."

BJ's face smoothed into understanding. "Oh. _Oh._ Time. Yes. But - "

"I know."

They hadn't planned what to do at this point. They hadn't decided anything, only that they were ready for the family to grow. 

Hawkeye came in the kitchen as BJ and Peg stood looking at each other in wordless conversation. Erin came back down the hall, waving her hands to prove that she'd washed them. Hawkeye scooped her into his arms and settled her on his hip. "Did you scrub like a nurse?" he asked her seriously, eyes flitting toward Peggy and BJ.

"As good as Aunt Margaret," Erin replied.

"Good," Hawkeye said absently, putting her down. "Go outside and wait for me. I'll be right there."

As soon as they heard the back door slide shut, they turned to Hawkeye. 

"Tell him," BJ said. "I don't want to know if he doesn't know."

"Know what?"

"I didn't expect to know," Peggy said quietly. "But, uh, it would seem that...it's my time."

"Your time for?"

Peg repeated her nod to the calendar and patted her stomach for emphasis. Hawkeye's eyes got wide.

"Oh. _Oh._ Your time." He glanced at BJ, then back at Peggy. "Which, I suppose means we don't have much time."

"Well, we could wait," Peggy said quickly. "We said soon. We didn't necessarily say as soon as possible. We could talk about it more -"

" - I think I'm done talking," BJ interrupted. "Does anyone else feel like talking?"

"Well, we definitely haven't decided on a few crucial details," Hawkeye said. "Namely, who's going to be named in the paternity suit."

"Hawkeye!"

Hawkeye startled a bit as he heard his name from two directions. He sighed and headed for the back yard. "To be continued," he said.

"Not too long!" BJ called after him.

The door slid shut once again. Peggy hadn't moved from her spot on the wall. Her mind raced. 

"Peg?" BJ's voice was warm, concerned. She looked up and held her arms out to him, a small gesture, but one he understood. BJ brought her into his arms, resting his chin on top of her head. "You know we don't have to decide anything right now, right?" he murmured. 

Peg took a long breath. "I want a baby with you," she whispered.

He pulled away just enough to be able to look her in the eye. His face was full of worry. "Are you sure?" he said.

She looked up and nodded. "I love Hawkeye," she said. "You know I love Hawkeye."

"You do," he said reassuringly. "I know you do. I just don't want him to feel -"

"I'm not sure he will," Peg said. "No matter what happens, it'll be his, too. Look, I want - " the tears came more suddenly than she meant them to, an she pressed the side of her face against the soft flannel of BJ's shirt. "I love him, but I want to do this with you. I chose you. It was never supposed to be just one."

BJ rubbed her back, long, comforting strokes. "How long have you felt like this?"

"Just now, actually," Peg said, pulling back, sniffling and wiping her eyes. "I didn't know it until right this moment. Until it was real."

Do you want me to talk to him?" BJ asked. 

"We should do it together," Peg said firmly. "I don't want him thinking this was your idea. But you understand, don't you?"

"Of course I do, sweetheart," he said. "I understood all the reasons it could be him. I was ready to step aside. For the family. But..."

Peg nodded in relief. 

"He might take it hard," BJ muttered, looking out the window at Hawkeye on his knees in the garden, planting the fall bulbs while Erin followed him with her watering can.

"I know," Peg said, wrapping her arms around him. "He deserves to be a father, BJ."

"He already is one."

"You know what I mean."

Suddenly, BJ felt antsy and urgent. "I'm going out there," he said. "Come on, Peg, I don't want to wait. I don't want him to be thinking..."

"I'm right behind you," she said, heading to the sink and filling a two glasses with water. BJ took one, and they headed for the back yard, his arm snug around her waist.

"Hey, Hawk," BJ said. Hawkeye looked up from under the brim of his giant straw hat and frowned as he took the glass of water Peg offered him. 

"What is it?" he asked. "The two of you look like you just buried someone where I plan to put the tulips."

"We've been talking about...things," Peggy said evasively with an eye on Erin, who was carefully and deliberately watering each of the fenceposts. Hawkeye followed her gaze.

"She's fine, Peg. It'll keep her at least ten minutes. Is it about - " he nodded towards her belly. Peg nodded and sat down in the grass next to him, patting the spot next to her. BJ joined them, keeping his arm around her back.

"Hawkeye, I don't know how to say this..." she began.

"Then let me," he said gently. "You made a decision. Right?"

She nodded.

"And I take it I lost the coin toss?"

Peggy leaned forward and rested her chin on her knees. "I didn't want to hurt you," she said quietly. "I don't want you to be left out. You deserve - "

"Peggy, it's okay." Hawkeye pulled off one of his gardening gloves and put a hand on her shoulder. "Look at me. No, come on, look at me."

Peggy forced herself to turn her head, sure she was going to be met with pain and disappointment. Hawkeye's eyes were soft, though his lips quivered slightly. "It's okay," he repeated, his voice thicker. "I figured it was - " his voice cracked slightly " - going to end up that way," he finished. "It's okay, I promise."

Peggy sniffled, tears leaking sideways into the knees of her jeans. Hawkeye stroked his thumb in circles over her shoulder, holding her gaze, and eventually, shed a few tears of his own. BJ kept a hand on each of them. For a moment, they sat with it, the weight of choice and decision, letting the pain have its minute in the sun.

The mood broke when BJ yelped. 

"Erin Margaret Hunnicutt!" he thundered, scrambling to his feet as Erin tore across the yard, her now-empty watering can abandoned. As BJ went after her, Peggy and Hawkeye saw the long wet streak down his back and chuckled. 

BJ picked Erin up and threw her over his shoulder, carrying her back like a wriggling piece of firewood. "Either of you two order some mischief?" he asked, holding her firmly by the ankles as he let her slide down his back. 

"We just thought you needed a shower," Hawkeye said innocently, batting his eyelashes to conceal the tears.

"Or to grow a few more inches," Peg added, getting to her feet and going around BJ's back to grab Erin and set her down. "That was naughty, little girl," she scolded.

"Sorry, Daddy," Erin said automatically. 

"You're forgiven this time," BJ said in a playfully gruff voice. "But next time, I'm going to eat you for breakfast."

Erin squealed and ran for the house.

Hawkeye got to his feet. "I'll get her," he said. "Peg, do we have any macaroni salad left?"

"Probably a good plateful," she answered. 

"I'll get her set up with lunch," Hawkeye said, stripping off his other gardening glove, untying his hat and heading for the shade. "You two should probably get busy," he said with a smile that only got halfway to his eyes.

BJ and Peg shared a look. She nodded.

"Hawk!" BJ called. "Come with me."

"I'll get lunch," Peg added.

BJ caught Hawkeye by the elbow. "Come with me," he repeated. "Peg and I have all afternoon."

As Peggy went to the fridge, BJ led Hawkeye upstairs. 

"Come on," he said. "Let's have a shower."

"Together?" Hawkeye raised an eyebrow. "You know we don't fit."

"Fine, then you shower and meet me in bed," BJ said, waggling his eyebrows.

Hawkeye scoffed. "You've got a very busy afternoon planned, apparently, and uh," he glanced vaguely downward, "you're going to need all your strength."

"I know," BJ said smugly, "which is why you are, for once, going to lie back and think of the empire while I have my way with you."

Finally, Hawkeye broke into a real grin. "Sounds good to me," he said.

BJ leaned in and kissed him, soft and sincere, then pressed his forehead against Hawkeye's. "Thank you, Hawk," he whispered.

Neither of them expected Hawkeye to start crying in that moment, but neither pulled away, either. BJ folded Hawk into his arms, cupping a hand around the back of his head.

"I love you so much," he whispered. "You are every bit the father I am, no matter what she calls you."


	2. Chapter 2

Before BJ and Hawkeye could continue any further, there was a soft knock at the door. 

"Yes?" BJ called, confused. Erin usually knocked by pounding the flat of her little hand against the door, and Peggy was occupied with lunch.

"It's me," Peg's voice came softly from the other side. "Some of the neighborhood kids came to collect Erin, and it sounds like Dorothy Landingham is going to serve lunch, so I thought I'd check - "

Hawkeye had the door open before she could finish. Peg looked him over without stepping over the threshold, registering the red eyes and hastily-wiped nose. She put a hand to his cheek without speaking, lips trembling. Hawkeye held his arms out; the hug that ensued looked to BJ like two trees falling gently into one another and holding each other up. Peg started to cry in earnest. Hawkeye stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head, crying too. BJ felt himself nearly follow them.

He came around to put a hand on each of their backs. "We don't have to decide," he reminded them softly. "Not if it hurts this much. Maybe it's not worth it."

Peg lifted her head and pulled just enough away from Hawkeye to see him clearly. A look passed between them that BJ couldn't read, but Hawkeye relaxed slightly, wiping the fresh tears from his eyes on his sleeve and turning to BJ. 

"It's worth it," he whispered. "I promise, I'm okay. Can I - "

"I want him there," Peg interrupted. Hawkeye looked at her, startled. She looked at him, more certain now. "If you think you'll be all right," she added. "I want you there, Benjamin. Do you think you -"

"Can I touch you?" Hawkeye blurted out. "Not like - I know it'll be him, but - "

"Yeah," she said shakily as a fresh wave of tears came on. "I do, I want that - BJ?"

"I want whatever you both want," he said. Hawkeye rolled his eyes. 

"Beej, someday you're going to have to pick sides. Peg and I won't always be this cooperative," he said, half-joking.

"You may have to cut me in half," BJ said sheepishly.

"Okay, okay," Hawkeye said, pulling Peg by the elbow towards their bed. "I don't know how long a typical lunch lasts at Dorothy Landingham's house, but I'm guessing we don't have much time. Both of you, strip!"

"Yes, sir!" BJ answered as he yanked his pants down then promptly stumbled over them as he headed to the bed. Peggy turned around and tapped the top of her dress's zipper with a pointed "ahem," to Hawkeye. 

Hawkeye looked at BJ in his socks and boxer shorts, sitting on the edge of the bed. "You're still dressed," Hawk scolded. 

BJ stripped his socks off and threw them at Hawkeye's face. Hawkeye finished unzipping Peg and launched himself at BJ, letting their nervous energy fuel a playful wrestling fight.

BJ got the upper hand, of course. Always had. Hawkeye initiated most of their play fights, but had yet to win one. BJ suspected he rather enjoyed that aspect of the game. Especially when it involved a mostly-naked BJ.

"Honestly, you two," Peggy said, slipping into her role of exasperated cheerleader. Hawkeye winked at her. She winked back and blew him a kiss. "Get him," she mouthed. Hawkeye grinned and doubled his efforts to shake BJ off, to no avail. While Hawk distracted him, Peg climbed up behind BJ and had him by his most ticklish spot within a second. 

BJ shrieked, letting go of Hawkeye's arms to defend the inside of his left thigh. While he was off balance, Peg shoved him over to once side and pounced on top of him. 

"Cheaters!" BJ said a little breathlessly. Peg raised her eyebrows innocently. 

"Please!" Hawkeye said in mock offense. "We're _strategists. Collaborators._ And dirty, dirty cheats."

BJ closed his eyes and chuckled, and the three let the warmth of the moment settle around them.


	3. Chapter 3

The giggling faded. Peg, now straddling BJ's hips, looked over at Hawkeye, who sprawled out next to them, head propped up on his elbow, looking at BJ's jaw and ear as though contemplating a popsicle. BJ turned his head to Hawk, leaned in for a kiss that started sweet and quickly deepened. Hawkeye lifted a hand to the back of BJ's head, but BJ pusheed it away. Peg realized: he didn't want to block her view. 

This dirty little show was for _her_ benefit.

And for a moment, Peg forgot about their urgent agenda, and let herself sink into it, squirming slightly on her perch. Hawkeye gave a soft, held-back moan, whimpered as BJ nipped at his bottom lip. A small thrill rushed her chest. She loved those sounds. So did - 

The thought turned her attention to the man under her seat, and Peg frowned despite the delights at the head of the bed. Something felt different. She climbed off BJ, slid a hand into his shorts. 

He was half-hard, if one was being generous, decidedly unusual for the circumstances. Peg wrapped her hand loosely around him, knowing she'd never been quite as skilled as Hawkeye when it came to these maneuvers, but started to stroke nonetheless. BJ broke the kiss, eyes closed, mouth open. "Peg," he mouthed, barely getting a whisper out.

Hawkeye dropped a hand down, figured out the situation within a second, and gently placed his hand over Peggy's. Peg looked up at him, his face furrowed with concern and a bit of confusion. Hawkeye nudged her fingers ever so slightly, and Peggy yielded.

Peg watched Hawkeye with admiration, getting just enough of a thrill from watching his biceps work. She took his place on the other side of BJ's head, crooked a finger under his chin and pulled him toward her.

Peggy Hunnicutt was not a sloppy kisser. Peggy was not known for doing filthy things with her tongue, and hated the tight sticky feeling on her skin after someone else's mouth had been there. She pulled BJ into a kiss, soft and reassuring. She felt him relax a little.

"C'mon, Beej," she heard Hawkeye mutter. BJ groaned in frustration. Peg sighed. They'd never had this problem before. Sure, there were nights when the men were tired, or less interested, or nights when she slept in the guest room, curled up with a book while they made love upstairs. It wasn't the first time, exactly. It was just the first time it mattered so much.

A sudden flash of the night Erin was conceived made Peg even more frustrated. Young, newly married, with BJ in residency - Erin had most likely been conceived in the hospital's fifth-floor supply closet during the fifth hour of one of BJ's 24-hour shifts. And yet somehow, they hadn't been able to get enough of each other. Peg's visits to the hospital - often accompanied by baked goods to buy a little privacy and good-natured ignorance - were among some the most implausibly exciting of their early years.

(And even then, the first two miscarriages had seemed less important, somehow. Devastating, yes. But not nearly as frustrating as the tangle of feelings currently in their bed.)

"Hawk, stop," BJ said suddenly.  
"You're almost there," Hawkeye replied. "It's okay. "  
"It's _not_," BJ said, rolling onto his side and burying his face in the pillow. "I don't know why..." his voice cracked.  
"Darling," Peg rushed in, "it's an awkward situation. It's not unreasonable to think it wouldn't...have an effect."  
"If you'll recall," Hawkeye said, sliding into his pompous-joking voice, "we have solid evidence that the persistence of the male libido is completely unrelated to the attractiveness of those in company of said male. Unless you've forgotten my little snafu with Nurse Able."

Peg let the comment go by - she'd long stopped asking for the stories behind seemingly incomprehensible remarks. But BJ sighed. 

"I can't fix this one with a garbage truck, Hawk."

Peggy burst into giggles at the image. The men chuckled, sharing a glance that brought some comfort back into the room.

Peggy sprawled onto her back, prompting BJ to lay a palm on her belly. She put her hand on top of his, and a moment later, Hawk reached over BJ and added his to the pile. 

"All for one and one for all," Peg joked. Hawkeye snorted. 

"I think what we're looking at here is more of a two-for one deal," he said. "In which you need two to get one."

Peg squeezed Hawkeye's hand. "No," she said. "Somehow I think this isn't going to work unless all of us are involved."

"Uh, Peg? I'm not sure I or basic biology are following you," BJ said.

"And he calls himself a doctor," Hawkeye scoffed. "I think I read you, Peggy Jane." He leaned up further on his elbow until his lips were at BJ's ear. "I think she means we should finish what we started earlier," he whispered. "And the fair lady will jump in at the appropriate juncture."

"Christ," BJ muttered. "You know if we're going to go at it all three of us you at LEAST have to let me warm up first." 

"Don't worry," Hawk purred. "I'll warm you up."

"No, I mean I need to _stretch!_" BJ said, exasperated.

"...and what made you think I wouldn't stretch you first?"

"Hawkeye!"

"Okay, okay, fine, get up and do yoga if you have to. But at least take your shorts off so Peg and I have something good to watch."

BJ glared as he stuck his thumbs in the sides of his shorts and yanked them down, wiggling slightly more than necessary for his audience's benefit. Peg stuck her fingers in her mouth and gave the wolf whistle she'd perfected over a decade in Girl Scouts while Hawkeye started humming a tune that could only be described as raunchy. BJ pretended to ignore them and proceeded to touch his toes, do some lunges, and stretch his hips in ways that had Peg and Hawkeye cackling together. 

"Maybe he's right," Hawkeye gasped as BJ spread his feet and sank into a deep squat that left nothing to anyone's imagination and looked quite like something other than yoga. "Maybe we should be warming up, too. Peggy, dear, could you put your legs up on my shoulders, for stretching purposes of course?"

Peggy scrambled around his back, lay down, and put her feet up on his shoulders from that side. "Like this?" she asked innocently.

"Definitely what I had in mind," Hawk said, grabbing her ankles and dragging her like a wheelbarrow across the bed.

"You can laugh all you want, but I will remind you that we practically had to put your hip back in its socket last time we tried this," BJ called to Hawkeye from where he was now using the chest of drawers as one might a ballet barre, one heel propped up on its surface.

While BJ finished up, Hawkeye disappeared to the bathroom for gloves, and Peg rummaged under the bed before pulling out a condom and the tube of surgical jelly one of them always managed to sneak home from the hospital. Hawkeye came back in the bedroom backwards, using his shoulder to open the door as he would in surgery, pulling a rubber glove over his right hand. Peg tossed him the lubricant, which he caught deftly in his left.

"Peg, would you take a walk?" Hawkeye asked, all quiet confidence now. "You know he does better at this without an audience."

Peggy hopped up, checked that all the bedroom shades were fully closed, and made for the door. "I think I'll call Dorothy Landingham and tell her I've an awful headache, see if she can keep Erin for the rest of the afternoon," she said, heading out to the office and closing the door behind her.

Once she was gone, Hawkeye looked at BJ, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, hunched over with his chin in his hands. Hawkeye went over and nudged his way between BJ's knees, kissing the top of his head and rubbing his back.

"It's a good thing that pretty much the only thing I need in this world is to see you naked," Hawk joked gently. "I didn't expect this particular kind of a treat this afternoon, but here we are."

BJ wrapped his arms around Hawk's waist and looked up at him. "What does it mean?" he asked quietly. "It's not that I don't want another baby. It's not that I don't want Peg- "

" - but sometimes, catching sound a lot better than pitching?" Hawkeye finished. "I know. That's why we're playing this from two sides. Get on your back, hot stuff."

BJ obeyed. Hawkeye tossed him one of their older, rattier towels, and BJ slid it under his hips. Hawk sidled up next to him and coaxed BJ onto his side. With one leg draped over Hawkeye's hips, there was enough space for Hawkeye to reach between BJ's legs and get to work. BJ flinched as his fingers made contact. 

"We have _got_ to invent something to warm this stuff up," he muttered into Hawkeye's neck. Hawk kept probing, cradling BJ's head in his other arm, earning a long sigh and shudder from BJ when he finally pressed a finger inside him. One, then two, moving slow and steady, BJ's sighs turning into grunts and whimpers as he worked. 

"Gonna fill you up, Beej," Hawk whispered. "Gonna give you what you need. I know you want this. I know you need it." He started to kiss his way down the side of BJ's neck as BJ finally gave himself over and started to relax.


	4. Chapter 4

Hawkeye waited patiently and discarded his glove as BJ came back from his second trip to the bathroom since they'd started. He hadn't seen Beej this big a bundle of nerves in a long time. It reminded him of the early days between them, when they flinched at every sound, made a thousand false starts before they drew the golden ticket of a double R&R. 

Hawk had been patient then, too.

BJ came back in and hung his bathrobe on the back of the door. Hawk stood up, wrapped his arms around BJ's neck and kissed him, deep and dirty, while maneuvering him across the carpet to their bed. BJ moaned as Hawkeye's tongue did things that made him blush, felt himself opening, yielding.

This time, Hawkeye didn't have to be as gentle - BJ was plenty stretched and warmed up, and he let Hawkeye throw him down onto the mattress, eyes growing dark and hungry. Hawkeye stayed with him, reaching for the condom and tearing off the wrapper with his teeth. BJ sat up and grabbed it, quickly rolling it on, enjoying the way Hawk throbbed in his hand. Hawkeye nodded toward the tube of surgical lubricant and BJ grabbed that, too.

Feeling Hawkeye enter him always hit BJ with the shock of diving into cold water - everything seized, for a long agonizing moment, before he could breathe more easily. Hawkeye read him like music, knowing exactly when to pause and when to push until he was fully inside him. Hawkeye leaned down and kissed the curls on his chest. BJ clung.

As they started to pick up a rhythm, neither of them noticed Peggy slipping back in the room. She took a spot in the corner, out of BJ's view, enjoying the sight of Hawkeye holding himself up on strong, wiry arms, the scene of BJ with his knees wide. So open, so desperate. 

Hawkeye looked up to see Peggy with a hand between her legs as she watched them. He leaned down close to BJ's ear. 

"It's not enough, is it?" he whispered. Less a question, more a statement. "You can take more, Beej. I know you can." He reached between them and found BJ hard. Dripping. "I'm not done with you," he said, glancing up at Peggy and beckoning her over. "Somebody's been enjoying this," he teased.

"Peg?" BJ turned his head, blew her a kiss. 

"You know how much I like watching you two," she answered, leaning in to kiss him, opening to him a little more. Nothing outrageous, but more.

They stayed like that for awhile, Hawkeye slowly rocking his hips, BJ grunting in the back of his throat on every downstroke, Peg swallowing every moan, until she up for breath at the same moment BJ pulled away and turned his head. "Stop!" he panted. "Stop, stop, Hawk, I'm - "

Everyone froze. BJ screwed his eyes shut for a few seconds and then began to breathe more easily.  
"Close one," he said, finally smiling.  
"What was it this time?" Peggy joked. "The thought of your chaplain and the orphans, or thinking about the dog licking your face?"  
"The dog," BJ admitted. "What can I say. It works. Okay, Peg. I think it's your turn."

Hawkeye eased himself out while BJ gingerly brought his legs down to relax. Hawkeye stripped the condom off and tossed it. "I'll be back," he said. "You two should get started."

Peggy stripped off her panties - soaked through the gusset - and climbed on top, slowly guiding BJ in, feeling the pleasure of the ache and stretch. Once she was fully seated, BJ reached up and interlaced his fingers with hers, bending his knees to give her something to lean back against as she started to ride.

Peg's mind kept wandering as she fell into a rhythm with BJ, letting muscle memory keep them on track. BJ put a hand on her thigh, his fingerspan wide enough that he could easily reach her with his thumb. He didn't have to stroke or rub - just staying with her as she rocked, rose and landed gave enough friction. 

"Penny for your thoughts, Peg?" he asked, unexpectedly gentle.

It took her a second to find the words, but when she did, she smiled.

"I'm thinking I'm glad I saved all of Erin's baby clothes."

"...I must really be impressing you right now, if you're thinking about the laundry."

She snorted and gently slapped his chest, leaning down as he wrapped his arms around her, their movements paused while he held her close. 

"I'm thinking about it, too," he said. "How Erin's whole head fit into the palm of my hand. Those little sounds she made. It's all coming back." His voice got soft, heavy. She could feel him starting to go soft inside her - oh no, not again. They needed to stay focused! 

Peg dislodged herself and shimmied up next to him. BJ reached for her again, kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose.

She responded by biting his bottom lip. When he gasped, she took the opening and led with her tongue.

Peggy Hunnicutt, kissing filthy. _Well,_ she thought. _Desperate times._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we get to some feelings.

From there, it wasn't difficult. By the time Hawkeye came back in the room, Peg was lying on her back with her legs resting on a small pile of pillows and BJ was curled up at her side, kissing her cheek, laughing softly.

Hawkeye felt his stomach drop at the sight. He took a breath and swallowed, coming to the edge of the bed and squeezing Peggy's feet. "Mission accomplished?" he asked, hoping he sounded warmer than he felt.

Peg folded her hands behind her head and smiled at him. "Took us a few tries, but we got there."

BJ reached an arm toward Hawk without looking away from Peggy. "Come here, you," he said, beckoning. "Don't leave yourself out in the cold."

"You sure?" Hawkeye couldn't stop the words from coming out. Now BJ did look away, his eyes filling with the steel behind all of his softhearted goodness and loyalty.

"Hawk," he said patiently. "Come here, _now_."

Hawkeye sat down on the edge of the bed and leaned over to kiss Peggy's toes. "You want me on your side, or his?" She held out an arm.

"Come over here and adore me," she said, her voice taking on the lush, slightly-raspy post-coital quality he loved. Hawkeye grinned and scrambled up the bed. BJ threw a blanket over the three of them as Hawkeye kissed Peggy's cheek, her neck, her shoulder, goofily trailing little pecks all the way down to her elbow until she giggled. The sound broke over him, a wave of relief. He slipped an arm under her pillow, found BJ's hand on the other side, and clasped it. BJ stroked his wrist with his thumb and blew him a kiss over Peggy's face.

"Couldn't have done it without you, Hawk," he said softly. Hawkeye felt the knot in his stomach start to fade. 

"Well," Hawkeye said, "I guess we'll see what happens." He carefully laid a hand on Peggy, just below her navel. BJ put his on top of Hawkeye's. Peggy closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of their hands, letting the anxiety of the last two hours fade into the growing shadows of the afternoon.

BJ fell asleep after a few minutes of quiet, rolling over to his side of the bed, leaving Peggy and Hawkeye tucked into one another in the middle. Peg ran her fingers through Hawkeye's hair, absently scratching him on the spot behind his ear he rubbed when he was anxious. 

"You know what I'm thinking?" she whispered.

"What?"

"I'm thinking names," she said coyly, a little smirk in her voice.

"Brunhilda," Hawkeye muttered against her breast. She snorted and flicked his ear, earning a muffled yelp and a flinch. "What's wrong with Brunhilda?" Hawkeye teased.

"I was _thinking_," she started again, "that we could use a family name."

Hawkeye froze. Peggy swore she could feel his heart beating faster against her side.

"Like Daniel," she said, dropping her voice back to a whisper. "I've always liked the name Danny."

Hawkeye stopped breathing. 

"Do you like that?" she asked, uncertainty creeping into her voice. "If you don't like it, we don't - "

"No," Hawkeye whispered. "Peg, I - are you sure?"

"It's just a name, Hawkeye." 

"It's not just a name, Peg. Any more than it would be to name the baby MacArthur."

"Did you know," she said, plowing past his quips, "that BJ had a favorite uncle named Danny?"

"He did?"

"Mmm. Died just after our wedding. BJ loved him. A great-uncle, actually. Taught him to fish."

"A family name," Hawkeye said slowly.

"Nice, isn't it?" Peggy said. 

"And if it's a girl?"

"Oh, BJ might get his way this time."

"This time?"

"He thought Erin would be better off Elizabeth. Betsy, actually. I think he was in love with a Betsy in the second grade and never got over it," she deadpanned. "But right before they wheeled me off into the delivery room, I pointed a finger at him and shouted, 'If this baby comes out and I'm still alive, she's going to be named Erin!'"

Hawkeye guffawed. "How have I never heard this?"

"Oh, I swore him to secrecy a long time ago. The nurses were absolutely horrified. I think they gave me extra sedation because of it," she said cheerfully.

"So, Betsy." 

"If you don't mind. He's probably earned the right."

"I don't."

"But if it's a boy..."

"Peg, should we really be counting our chickens right now?"

"Oh, you know how women dream."

"I do?"

"Sure." She reached down and squeezed the hand he still had placed over her abdomen. "Sometimes, you just know things." 

He looked up at her. Her hair was a mess and he knew if he licked her cheek he'd taste salt, but she'd never been more beautiful. "You know things, huh?"

"Mmm. I just have a feeling," she said.

"A feeling?"

"You'll see. When he comes. I'll get to say I told you so."

Hawkeye didn't trust himself to say anything in reply. His eyes brimmed with unexpected tears. Peggy squeezed his hand. "Danny," she whispered.

"A family name," he whispered back. "Good name."


	6. Chapter 6

Peg was right.

After nearly an hour's nap, BJ got up, kissed the two now-sleeping foreheads, got dressed and went downstairs to pull something together for dinner. Erin arrived with the dawning of the streetlights, just in time for dinner and the evening news. Per family tradition, Hawkeye and Peg took the couch - he with knitting or darning, she with laundry to fold - and BJ settled into his big chair with Erin perched on the footstool, or sprawled on the floor with a coloring book, or held Hawkeye's yarn (or tangled Hawkeye's yarn) or helped her mother match socks. 

The evening was a quiet one; after a long afternoon of playing hard, Erin started yawning halfway through the first commercial break and passed out on the floor, her head on Hawkeye's foot. BJ scooped her up and carried her to bed. Peg finished the laundry and stretched out on the couch, hands behind her head, feet nudging their way into Hawkeye's lap. 

"Well?" he asked. "Do you feel like you're glowing yet?"

She shrugged. "I told you - I really think this is it."

BJ came back to grab a beer from the fridge and headed out to the back yard. "Should we join him?" Hawkeye asked quietly. Peggy shrugged. "You can, if you want. I'm going to take a shower."

"Not too hot," Hawk warned. Peggy rolled her eyes. 

"And I suppose tomorrow you'll warn me against jumping jacks and lifting heavy sacks of groceries?"

"You'll thank me later."

"The hell I will. If you're half as insufferable as he was the last time..." she trailed off. Hawkeye snickered. 

"Was it really that bad?"

"Oh GAWD. It was awful. He swung back and forth between acting like everything in the world was going to kill me, and swaggering like a peacock. You'd think he'd invented babies himself," she said. "Oh dear. What have I gotten into?"

"Well," Hawkeye said, his voice still joking, "maybe I won't feel so - " he paused. Peggy's giggle faded in her mouth. 

"Oh, Benjamin Franklin," she said, putting a reassuring hand on his arm. "You're going to be every bit as insufferable as he is. I guarantee it."

"You really think so?"

"I know so."

"Shall we join him, then?"

"You go ahead. I'm going to have that shower."

***

Hawkeye poured himself a scotch before joining BJ on the patio. "Nights like this, I miss Maine," he admitted, sinking into one of the deck chairs. "I know the stars are nice here, but once you've seen stars in a town without any electricity, you start to realize what you're missing."

"Mmm," BJ said, taking a long sip from his can. "I can see what you mean. I haven't seen stars like that since Korea."

"A sky can be beautiful and lovely and still not be complete."

"Even if it looks that way to those who don't know better," BJ agreed. "Are we still talking about stars?"

"Were we ever?"

BJ sighed. "I've been thinking about it all afternoon," he admitted. "Maybe it won't take. Maybe we'll get more time."

"I don't think it's going to go like that, Beej."

"Oh?"

"Peggy's pretty certain."

"And Peggy got her medical degree where?"

"The Woman's Intuition School Of Obstetrics."

"Ah. I hear their track record is better than Johns Hopkins."

"I think we're in it. If she doesn't decide she wants me out of the picture entirely."

"She's not going to do that, Hawk. You know that."

"...she did it today."

"Hawkeye - "

"Look, she has a right, okay? She has a right to choose. I'm not saying she doesn't. I'm not saying she's wrong. But she chose. And it didn't seem like it was a hard choice."

"She was really worried about hurting you."

"Well, she did."

BJ fell silent. Finished his beer. "I'm sorry, Hawk," he finally said.

"What for?"

"For...not being more careful. For rushing into this."

"Sidney says the greatest sign of sanity is being able to live among contradictions without wanting to kill yourself."

"So?"

"So, we're going to have a baby. And I'm thrilled. I can't wait."

"And it hurts."

"And it hurts. But I can't wait."

BJ reached across the space between their chairs and grabbed Hawkeye's hand. "Where's Peg?"

"Taking a shower and going to bed. Which I might also do any minute now."

"It's only eight thirty."

"Yeah, well, it's been a busy day."

"C'mon Hawk. Play a round of chess with me first?"

"Cards. And only if you'll refill my drink first."

BJ took the glass from the arm of Hawkeye's chair, stood up, and bowed. "As you wish," he said.


	7. Chapter 7

Peg shoved her chair back from the breakfast table and bolted for the bathroom for the third time in a week, passing Hawkeye in the hall, hand clamped over her mouth. Hawkeye knew better than to try and follow - he'd already spent too much time outside the bathroom door while Peggy retched and begged him to go away. It had earned him more than a few sympathetic glances from BJ, who knew better than to try. 

When she came out a few minutes later, BJ slipped a mug of tea into her hands and rubbed her back sympathetically as she sat down with it, turning away from Erin's half-eaten plate of eggs and toast.

"Mommy?"

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"Did you throw up?"

"I did."

"Are you sick?"

"No. Mommies just throw up sometimes."

Erin pulled a face. "I never want to be a mommy," she said, shoving another forkful of eggs in her mouth. Peg winced at the sound of her chewing and took a slurp of tea. 

"Erin," Hawkeye said from behind the paper, "It's time for school. Go get your shoes, go." Erin responded by flicking the newspaper to provoke him. It worked - Hawkeye lowered the paper and stuck his tongue out at her. She giggled and stuck hers out, too.

"Come on, you jokers," BJ called from the sink. "I think I hear the school bell about to ring."

Mission accomplished, Erin bolted for the door, then ran back into the kitchen for a round of kisses. BJ grabbed her by the hand and they headed together for the neighborhood church, which also housed Erin's nursery school. BJ and Peg used to alternate the morning walk, but the last few weeks of morning sickness had put Peg out of commission. 

"Good morning, Erin!" The nursery school teacher, a tall, warm woman in her early sixties who wore an endless parade shirtwaist dresses, waved as BJ and Erin rounded the corner into the churchyard. Erin took off at a run as soon as they were inside the gate, making a beeline for Mrs. O'Leary. The teacher knelt to offer the little girl a hug before patting her on the back and sending her on inside. BJ raised a hand - something between a wave and a salute - but Erin hardly ever looked back anymore. Mrs. O'Leary, however, held up a hand and made her way to BJ.

"Dr. Hunnicutt," she said warmly, offering him a handshake. "We've been seeing a lot of you lately." 

"Well," he said, "my shift at the hospital doesn't begin for awhile yet, and I don't get to do bedtime most evenings. This is my chance to spend some time with Erin."

"I see," she replied. "We used to see a lot more of Mrs. Hunnicutt in the mornings." The question lay unspoken, the words tinged with a judgment he couldn't place. 

"Well, what can I say - I'm selfish," he stammered. "Peggy can get very busy in the mornings -"

"Surely not too busy to walk her daughter to school?" Mrs. O'Leary's tone had taken on an incredulity that crept right under BJ's skin. He didn't know what she was thinking, but her tone seemed like she found all this to be most intriguing. BJ panicked. Wasn't it his job to protect his family - from scrutiny, from judgment, from the gossip of nosy neighbors?

"Well," he began, a bit of an edge in his otherwise friendly voice, "it so happens that Peggy is _especially_ busy in the mornings these days. She's not really fit to bring Erin to school right now."

The teacher's eyebrows shot up as BJ realized how he sounded. "I mean - um - I really can't say much more," he said.

"Of course," Mrs. O'Leary interrupted soothingly. "I didn't realize there was trouble at home. I'm terribly sorry, Dr. Hunnicutt."

"There's no trouble!" BJ burst out. He took a breath to steady himself, and found himself smiling. If this was how the word got out, so be it. "As it happens," he tried again, "Mrs. Hunnicutt - we - are expecting. The mornings have been rather difficult in the last few weeks." He offered what he hoped was a conspiratorial, winning smile.

It worked. Mrs. O'Leary's suspicion dissolved before his eyes as she melted into a happy grin. "Oh, that's wonderful news indeed! A little brother or sister for Erin. I'm sure you're hoping for your boy," she said with a knowing look. 

BJ felt himself blushing. _It's not what you think_ he wanted to say. _It will never be what you think. It's so much more. And so much more complicated._

"As long as it has ten fingers and toes, I'm willing to compromise," he found himself saying. Mrs. O'Leary laughed and put a friendly hand on his arm.

"Well, you hurry home and make sure she's all right. We'll take care of Erin. Congratulations, Dr. Hunnicutt."

BJ offered a halfhearted goodbye and nearly ran the three blocks home. When he came back, Peg was still in her bathrobe, sitting on the couch with a bowl of ice cubes in her lap, crunching away while Hawkeye rubbed her feet. He looked up as BJ came in. 

"Oh good," he started to say, "you can take over - Beej? What is it?"

At the change in his voice, Peggy turned around. "Darling? You look like you've seen a ghost. Is everything all right?"

BJ closed the door and sat down heavily. "Well," he said bitterly, "the word is out. I had to make your excuses to Erin's teacher. She's concerned you might be a deficient mother because she hasn't seen you in the schoolyard. I had to tell her why."

There was a long moment of silence, punctuated by Peggy's chewing on the ice chips. "Well," she said finally. "That's that."

"It was going to happen sometime," Hawkeye added, bending to kiss Peggy's foot as he got up to leave for work. "Now it's out, and we'll figure out what to do next. See you at five thirty."

Before either of them could speak, he was out the door.

Peggy and BJ looked at each other.

"We're going to have to do something about him," BJ said, tilting his head toward the door Hawkeye had just closed.

"I know," Peggy said. "You think a mercy killing goes too far?"

BJ chuckled darkly. "How about I take half the day off and come home in time for dinner tonight?" he asked. "Maybe you and Hawkeye need some quality time together."

Peggy raised an eyebrow. "Are you kidding me? I can't do 'quality time.' I'd be sick all over the poor guy. Besides," she added, glancing down at her stomach, "I'm not entirely certain I want to be anywhere near a penis ever again."

The unexpected crudeness shocked BJ into a laugh. "I can't say I blame you," he said, affection filling every word. "I might feel the same way in your shoes."

"Look," Peg said. "He's going to need both of us. But maybe it's _you_ who could use a little quality time."

BJ nodded. "Yeah. I think I do."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: period-appropriate pregnant lady has an alcoholic drink, but doesn't get drunk or anything

Hawkeye called to say he'd be home late. Very late. Peggy called BJ at the hospital and told him she'd take care of the evening and didn't need him to come home early. She put her dinner plans aside and fixed a pot of spaghetti for herself and Erin, tossing the strands with butter and salt and putting aside the nagging thoughts about nutrition. She needed a meal that would go down easily - for herself and the picky four-year-old. 

Erin was full of questions about Hawkeye and BJ's whereabouts, but "sick people need their help," was always an easy enough answer. Peggy went through the motions of bathing Erin, losing concentration long enough that she caught a faceful of bubbles Erin gleefully blew out of her cupped hands. Peg yelped and wiped her eyes. 

"Erin! That's enough!" 

The giggles stopped abruptly, as if someone had clapped a hand over Erin's throat. She wasn't a child accustomed to snapping - most of the adults in her life were patient and even-keeled. As Peggy wiped her eyes and opened them, she saw Erin looking at her with an utterly wounded expression, bottom lip trembling.

"You don't blow soap at people," she said, resting her elbow on the edge of the tub, forehead in hand. "Come on. Let's go to bed."

Erin pulled away and sulked at the scolding, but let Peggy comb her hair and bundle her into pajamas. Neither of them had the energy or goodwill for a story. Peggy whispered a guilty, "Good night, sweetheart," and kissed her damp curls before heading into the living room and fixing herself a drink.

The phone rang as she was about to sit down, and she bolted to the kitchen to grab it before it could wake Erin. "Hello?"

"Peg?" BJ's voice was faint and scratchy against the loud background noise - voices, music, glasses clinking. "I'm bringing Hawk home."

"But your shift isn't even over," she protested. "Where are you?"

"I took the evening off and found him at Murphy's."

Oh no. Murphy's was Hawkeye's favorite place to sulk until he was soused. If BJ was there, he must be in a bad way.

"I'm bringing him home," BJ repeated. "We'll be there in twenty."

The phone cut off before Peggy could answer. She hung up the phone, a mix of nerves and disgust sinking in her guts. She picked up the drink from where she'd left it and knocked it back, contemplating another. In the end, she set the glass down and headed upstairs.

She heard when they came in, BJ shushing, Hawkeye speaking louder than he perhaps realized. Peggy sat up in bed, on the alert for telling sounds. No crashing, no stumbling. That was a good sign. Hawkeye was being loud, but not loud enough for her to discern what he was saying. A four-or-five drink night, then. She sighed and chewed her thumbnail. She'd had to get good at that particular kind of math early on. They'd even had a rule, at one point, about Hawkeye not being allowed in the house after six drinks. Murphy's was down the street from the YMCA. She knew he'd spent a week of nights there in the first year, if not more.

She heard them come up the stairs. One set of footsteps continued down the hall to the bathroom, but BJ quietly opened the door and stuck his head in.

"How bad is he?" she asked by way of hello.

BJ frowned, sighed, rubbed his forehead with the heel of his hand. "He's been worse. It's...it's painful, Peg. More than I think any of us realized. For him."

"Where is he now?"

"He'll have a shower and then come to bed."

"Not this bed."

"I know. He knows he's sleeping downstairs tonight."

"BJ, what are we going to do with him? He can't drink himself through an entire pregnancy."

"He did drink himself through an entire war."

"Well, in case you haven't noticed, this isn't exactly Korea. And this isn't exactly a war."

BJ held up a hand. "I know. I know. For what it's worth, he feels pretty terrible already. You know the guilt doesn't usually hit until the next day."

Peg softened. Without knowing what she'd say, she got out of bed, motioned to BJ to get out of the way, and made her way down to the bathroom. He hadn't locked the door. Peggy walked in to a roomful of steam - Hawkeye liked his showers two degrees shy of boiling. She groped for the edge of the curtain and sharply jerked it back.

Hawkeye jumped, startled, snorting water up his nose and nearly fell over. "Christ, Peggy, what the hell - "

"No, Hawkeye."

"Excuse me?"

Peggy reached over and turned the water off, then threw him a towel. "Put this on," she said sternly. "I can't talk to you when you're indisposed."

A smirk broke through Hawkeye's fog. "I'm so irresistible, am I?"

She glared at him. "You think sulking yourself into a drunken stupor is attractive, do you?"

She saw the retort reach the tip of his tongue and watched him swallow it. "I'm sorry, Peg."

"You're always sorry."

"I know. Can you let me out of here, please?" Peggy stepped back to let him climb out of the tub. Hawkeye sat down on the edge, elbows on his knees. As he did, there was a gentle tap at the door.

"Am I invited to this conference?" BJ asked from the other side of the door.

"No," Peggy and Hawkeye answered in unison. 

As BJ walked back down the hall, Peggy turned to Hawkeye. "I won't have this, Benjamin," she said, her voice as serious as she could muster.

"I know," Hawkeye muttered into his hands. "I know, Peg. It won't happen again. I promise you that."

"Look me in the eye and promise me."

It took him a second. "I promise. No more sulking."

She nodded an acceptance. "Why, Ben?" The nickname landed gently.

"I couldn't stop thinking into the future - you're going to be showing pretty soon. I'm not worried about what people will think - the story's easy enough - but it leaves my part pretty invisible."

"I know," she said. "Believe me - it hasn't gone unnoticed."

He looked up through his still-dripping hair. "I'll sleep downstairs tonight."

Peggy sighed. "Not tonight," she said. 

"But - "

"I know. You do it again, and I'll make sure you don't sleep in this house," she warned. "But maybe the circumstances warrant a little mercy - for all of us. I can't say I'm being entirely selfless." She paused. "I need you, Hawkeye. Come to bed."

Hawkeye sniffed and took a long, shuddering breath. He put a hand on Peggy's, stood up, and wordlessly walked her down the hall, his arm cradled protectively around her waist.


	9. Chapter 9

"Say bye to Mommy and Hawkeye," BJ prompted as Peg stood on her tiptoes to give Erin's cheek one last kiss. Erin frowned.

"Where are you going, Mommy?" she asked for the fortieth time, so unaccustomed to being left at home with just one parent - and one that wasn't Peggy, at that. Her nerves were palpable.

"Mommy and Hawkeye are going on a trip. We will be back in two days," Peg repeated, holding up two fingers. "Daddy is going to take care of you."

Erin shot BJ a suspicious look that would have made him laugh in any other context. "You know what?" he said cheerfully. "If you promise not to tell Mommy, we can..." he leaned in and whispered loudly enough for Peggy and Hawkeye to hear, "take a bath in our bathing suits and blow bubbles at each other!" 

Hawkeye strained to keep a straight face as Erin clapped her hand over her mouth, eyebrows shooting up, glancing in the direction of the house disciplinarian to see if she'd heard the blasphemy. Peggy put on a face of pure innocence. "Did somebody say something?" she asked, her voice high and incredulous. 

Erin shook her head so vehemently she nearly took out BJ's nose. "Nothing, Mommy, nothing. Byebye! See you when you get back!"

Peggy waved, blew one more kiss, and turned to leave before she could burst out laughing. Hawkeye made his way out the kitchen door out of habit - they'd erected a fence that blocked the neighbor's view of the kitchen door and the garage so that they rarely saw Hawkeye's comings and goings. Peggy met him in the garage and put her luggage on the back seat before slipping in to the front.

Hawkeye started the car and backed them out. BJ and Erin stood in the window of the living room, waving. Peggy rolled down her window and waved back, blowing one more kiss. As she rolled the window up, she sighed, shifting uncomfortably in her seat.

Hawkeye glanced at her as he came to a stop at the top of their street. "C'mere," he said, stretching his arm toward her. "Act like you're on a date with me."

Peggy smiled, unbuckling the too-snug seatbelt and sliding across the bench. Hawkeye shifted gears and wrapped his free arm around her. "So where are we going?" he said, heading in the direction of the nearest highway.

Peggy reached for her purse and pulled out a folded map and a brochure that featured a bunch of grapes on the front. "It's about an hour away," she said, opening the brochure. "Around Napa." She opened the map and figured out the directions for the next ten or so miles, then folded it back up and leaned against Hawkeye's side. "I'm probably going to have to stop a few times regardless," she warned. "It's starting to get to the point where they're constantly doing the rumba on your bladder."

"Works for me," Hawkeye replied smoothly. "You want the radio?"

"Yeah." 

The ride up was mostly quiet. They did, in fact, stop for Peggy to relieve herself, but only once. It wasn't long before they pulled off the main roads and onto a long dusty driveway that led to a large house - a mansion, really - at the end. Peggy and Hawkeye climbed out, taking in the sight of the surrounding vineyards. Peggy went to get her suitcase, but Hawkeye beat her to it. With one in each hand, he made his way to the expansive porch of the B&B. Peggy followed, and rang the bell.

As they waited for someone to arrive, Hawkeye put the bags down and looked at her. "I'm glad we're doing this," he said softly. 

She stood on her toes and kissed him gently. "Me, too. It's been awhile."

Just then, the door opened, and a short, slim man beckoned them in. "Hello, hello!" he said. "Welcome. So glad you've come, Dr. and Mrs. Pierce. Can I show you to your room?"

"Absolutely, thank you," Hawkeye replied. His voice was relaxed; she could hear the grin in it, the weight coming off his shoulders. Peggy's voice seemed to be caught in her throat, so she smiled instead.

"Wonderful. My name is John, John Sanders. You'll let me know if there's anything you need, right? Your room is right this way," he said, smoothly grabbing their suitcases before Hawkeye or Peggy could. "What brings you here?" he called over his shoulder. "Celebrating?"

"Anniversary, actually," Hawkeye replied smoothly. "Our third." _Keep talking,_ Peggy thought. _I want you to sound like this all the time. So happy. So easy._

"Well, congratulations are in order, then!" Mr. Sanders exclaimed. "Why don't you two get settled in, and I'll bring you some refreshments. Unless, that is, you want some time...alone?" he asked, somehow managing to sound both dignified and cheeky. 

Peggy found her voice. "We'll take that time," she said quickly. 

"Absolutely," Mr. Sanders said, opening a door and ushering them into a luxurious, well-appointed bedroom. "The bathroom's down the hall, and I'm just a shout away if you need anything." He set their bags down and quickly set off, leaving Peggy and Hawkeye to appreciate the view.

As soon as the door closed, Hawkeye wrapped his arms around Peggy and bent down for a long kiss. "Do you mind?" he asked anxiously. "Being Mrs. Pierce?"

"Darling," she said. "I booked the reservation, remember? For this weekend, I _am_ 'Mrs. Pierce.' If you'll have me, that is."

"I don't know," he teased. "I've heard things about your reputation that make a man question his choices."

Peggy snickered and pulled him in for another kiss before putting a hand on his chest and pushing him toward the bed. Hawkeye stepped backward obediently and flopped down onto the mattress. "Then again," he said as Peggy climbed on top of him and started to unbutton his shirt, "it seems as though I may have already answered that question."

"You chose me," she said, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. 

Hawkeye caught her wrists and stopped her. She pulled back and looked down at him. His eyes were brimming with tears. 

"I need you," he whispered.

"You have me," she whispered back. "I chose you, too."


	10. Chapter 10

BJ put on his swim trunks and dragged the old washtub into the yard, Erin giggling wide-eyed as he added some dish soap to the tub and stuck the backyard hose in it. They barely fit, but it worked, the bubbles rising and spilling over the top. Erin leaned against BJ's chest with a container of bubble soap and a wand, blowing bubbles into the yard. BJ ran a running patter, like he was calling a baseball game over the radio.

"There goes that little one, headed straight for the flower beds, but - oh no! - stalled out right over the grass. But what's this? Here comes a big, heavy bubble just driiifting over the side. Will it make it? It's gonna make it!"

The longer he kept it up, the more Erin laughed. "Daddy, you're silly." _This. This is what you came home for. Say it again, baby. Say it a thousand times._ BJ paused to kiss the top of her soapy head. 

"Daddy?"

"That's me." _Just me. Only me._

"Why did Mommy and Hawkeye go away?"

"They're just on a trip, sweetheart." _Just you and me_

"I want Mommy." There was no protest in her voice. Just a sad, defeated note that hit him like a punch. BJ wrapped his arms tightly around Erin and kissed the top of her head again.

"Me, too."

They stayed in the tub until their skin shriveled and his legs began to cramp. He indulged her as much as he could, slipping cocoa into her before-bed mug of warm milk, reading book after book. The sun was long down when he looked over and saw Erin passed out on her pillow, hair still damp and clumsily braided. (He could make the tiniest, most delicate stitches on somebody's liver, but little girl hair? A mystery.)

Peggy and Hawkeye hadn't called. Not that he expected them to - he guessed they were busy enough. He looked around the toy-strewn living room and thought about cleaning up, but decided it could wait for tomorrow. Instead, he changed into his pajamas and poured himself a drink.

*

Peggy rolled over and nudged Hawkeye, who not only did not roll over, but continued to snore like a lawnmower. Peggy nudged him again, digging her fingers under his shoulder in a vain attempt to guide him onto his side. How did BJ _do _ this? 

She tried whispering his name into the dark, tried tapping him on the shoulder, tried snoring louder than him. None of it worked. Finally, she slipped one hand under the covers. Funny - she didn't remember him getting up to put his shorts back on, but the snoring shifted as she gently started to stroke him through the thin cotton. Hawkeye stirred and moaned, finally turning onto his side. "Need something?" he asked, voice thick and sleepy.

"You were snoring," she murmured, tucking his hair behind his ear. "I had to get creative."

"Mmm. Sorry."

"It's ok." She kissed his forehead and rolled over, tugging at his hand until he wrapped an arm around her, his palm resting on her belly. 

"Love you," he muttered into her hair. She squeezed his hand. "Love you - oh!"

Hawkeye froze, his hand still flush against her. "Is that - "

"Yeah," she breathed, waiting to see if it would happen again. "Oh!" she gasped as a second kick fluttered against the tight drum of her stomach. "That's it, that's a kick."

"That's a kick," he repeated, voice high and awestruck. "That's a _baby_" Hawkeye said, his voice breaking. "Oh, Peggy, Peggy - "

"We're having a baby," she said, the wonder of it filling her. "Hawkeye, we're having a _baby._"

The tears came in a rush. Hawkeye shushed her and held her, sniffling at his own tears. For a moment, neither of them said anything, but Peggy felt a growing weight between them. 

"Hawkeye, we -"

" - we should call BJ," he finished in a rush. "He should know."

"But it's after midnight."

"So?"

"We'll wake Erin. Not to mention poor Mr. Sanders."

"Peg," Hawkeye said with an unmistakable giggle in his voice, "you have no idea how many times that man yanked poor Radar out of bed and away from his precious teddy bear so he could call you at some ungodly hour of the morning."

"That's _terrible_," she said, laughing. "He really did?"

"Oh yeah. You didn't think he was making those leisurely calls sometime after lunch, did you?"

"But it was always a reasonable time -"

"Sure, and you were how many hours behind us?"

"Right," she said. "Right. It can wait until morning, though. I really don't want to scare him."

"Okay," Hawkeye said, rubbing his hand over her belly once more, "it'll be just between us for a few hours."

*

BJ climbed into bed, but couldn't settle, couldn't get to sleep. Without the background noise of two other people breathing, snoring, sighing, it was too quiet in their bedroom. Too empty. BJ stole Hawkeye's pillow and stuffed it under his arm, taking a deep sniff and hoping for a trace of him. 

Gd, they couldn't get home soon enough.

*

"Peggy?"

"Mm?"

"Did you ever have sleepovers with other girls when you were young?"

"Of course. Did you?"

"With girls? I wish."

"You know what I mean, Ben Franklin."

"I know, I know. It was mostly me and my friend Tommy." His voice hitched so slightly she might've imagined it. "Anyway," he continued, "did you ever feel like telling secrets in the dark?"

"I don't really remember, honestly. We told a lot of ghost stories, I remember. But secrets?"

"Something about the dark. Not being able to see each other," he explained. "Like a confessional for fair-weather Presbyterians."

Peggy chuckled. "You have a secret you want to tell me?" she asked.

There was a long pause. "Only if you tell me one."

"Fair enough. You first."

She felt Hawkeye take a deep breath. "I wish it was mine," he whispered. "I'm so sorry. I don't even know why I'm telling you that. I have no right."

Peggy pulled away just enough to roll over. The room was so dark she couldn't even see him from inches away, so she put a hand to his cheek. "Me, too," she said.

*

BJ dreamed of the still breaking under his fist, over and over again. Woke up in a sweat. Had another drink.

This time, he dreamed of Erin running up to him in an airport, arms open, shouting, "Daddy!" as Peggy reached out and grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "She's little, she doesn't know," she said. "I'm so sorry, sir. She thinks all men in uniform are 'Daddy.'" 

"But I am!" BJ cried. Peggy frowned and pulled Erin into her arms. "Peggy, it's me!"

"That's not what the army says," she said, walking away as fast as she could, Erin looking at him over her shoulder. BJ looked down at the dog tags hanging from his neck. _Pierce, B. F._ they read. 

This time, when he woke up, the sun was nearly up. Only ten more hours to go.

*

"You mean it?" The hope in his voice was palpable.

"Don't you think I want this for you, too?" she whispered fiercely. "Just because - " she broke off into a sob.

"Just because what?"

Peggy tried to steady her breathing. "Just b-because I ch-chose him doesn't mean I don't want you," she choked out. "I didn't do it to hurt you."

"I know," he said. "I know. It's not your fault, Pegs. Listen, if it were me, I'd want his children, too," he added, forcing a ghost of a laugh. "I mean, _look_ at the man."

"What can I say?" she said, trying for a joke. "I just really wanted this baby to have blond hair."

"My family's prone to premature grey anyway," he said. "My father was completely white before he hit forty."

They settled into a gentler silence. Peggy rolled back over, bringing Hawkeye's arm over her side. 

"If there were a place," she said softly, but firmly, "where I could be Mrs. Hunnicutt-Pierce, I would move there in a heartbeat."

Hawkeye sighed behind her. "I know," he said. "At least we'll always have Napa."


	11. Chapter 11

Hawkeye tried not to look like he'd been up all night as he tapped on Erin's door. 

"Good morning," he called softly, pushing the door open. "How's my best girl?"

Erin sat up and rubbed her eyes. Her hair was still in the French braids Hawk had neatly plaited the night before. Good. That made one less thing to do before they headed out the door. Hawkeye went to the closet and started thumbing through the row of tiny hanging dresses. "Here," he said, pulling down a blue gingham the color of her eyes. "Let's wear your Dorothy dress today." 

Erin eyed him cautiously as he held it up. "I don't have ruby slippers anymore," she said mournfully. And it was true - she'd grown out of the pair Hawkeye had fashioned for her out of a pair of Mary Janes, red ribbons and glue. 

"I know," he said. "Unfortunately, you inherited your father's feet. How about I'll do your hair in pigtails and - " he pulled out his trump card - " - you can wear Mommy's earrings when we go out."

The bribe worked. Erin shimmied into the dress and Hawkeye procured the clip-on fake pearls Peg kept for less-than-special occasions. 

"Did Mommy and Daddy go out?" she asked as Hawkeye served her buttered toast and a cup of milk before sitting down with another cup of coffee. 

"Watch the crumbs. Chin over your plate. And yes, they did, actually. We might go visit them today."

"Where are they?"

"C'mere, you've got a milk mustache. Well, they went to the hospital. Do you know why?"

"The baby came?"

"That's right. I knew there was more to you than just a gorgeous face. You're going to be a big sister today."

"When?"

"Well, as soon as Mommy and Daddy call from the hospital and tell us."

"I want to go now!"

"Me too."

*

"Dr. Hunnicutt?"

BJ startled. He hadn't been sleeping, exactly - one did not sleep in these waiting room chairs - but after a whole night, he'd finally begun to doze. The nurse looking his way from the door had a smile that made his heart leap. 

"Is it time?" he asked, jumping up and grabbing his rain slicker. 

"It's time," she replied. Suddenly, he recognized her. 

"It's Judy, right?"

"That's right, Doctor!" she said as she held the swinging door open for him. "I'm surprised you remembered."

"No, it was that case that came in when we were shorthanded and that poor girl was breech and nobody realized it. You were wonderful with her, I remember. Were you with Peggy?" he asked as they headed down the hall. "Was she - how was it?"

Judy beamed. "She's a champ. An absolute warrior. And," she added, eyes twinkling as she stopped outside the door to Peggy's room, "do you want me to spoil it for you?"

BJ held up his hands. "Naw, let me find out the old fashioned way - by changing a diaper," he joked. Judy chuckled and knocked on the door as she opened it. 

"Got someone here for you," she called in a singsong voice. "Doc, just let me know if you two need anything."

BJ walked in and saw Peggy sitting up in bed, looking dazedly at the bassinet next to her. "Shh," she whispered absently, not taking her eyes off the bundle beside her, "I think he just went down."

He. BJ's eyes filled as he walked around the other side of the bed and leaned over Peggy's shoulder to have a look, pressing a kiss to the side of her head and wrapping his arms around her. "Nurse said you were ferocious," he whispered. "I'm so proud of you."

"Ferocious is putting it kindly," Peggy murmured back, "I may have threatened to kick her in the face before they put me under."

BJ chuckled warmly. "You got your boy," he said, his voice rising to a whispered squeak. Peg nodded. 

"I knew. Did you call Hawkeye yet?"

"Haven't had a chance. Wanted to see you first."

"Oh, go call him, darling. We'll be here. Go."

"Not until I get a kiss from the most incredible woman in the world."

"Oh? Where are you hiding her?"

"Right here in this bed."

Peggy rolled her eyes and smiled as she turned to kiss him. BJ held her gently, pouring nine months' worth of pride, joy and anguish into that kiss. When they broke away, both had tears in their eyes. "Go," Peggy muttered, wiping her face on the back of her hand, "I need to try and use the bathroom while you're gone and it's kind of a horrible proposition right now. Give me fifteen minutes. Go call Hawkeye."

BJ headed out into the hall. Judy was at the nurse's station and pointed him to the phone. He mentioned that she might want to check on Peg in a few minutes and dialed.

*

The phone rang as Hawkeye finished the tower he was building for Erin to knock down, and in his haste to get up, managed to knock it over with his foot. Erin, sensing the shift in the room, followed him to the kitchen as Hawkeye grabbed the phone. "Hello?!" he shouted into the receiver. "Hello?!"

Erin watched as Hawkeye sat down in one of the kitchen chairs, covering his mouth with his hand and closing his eyes. After a second, he beckoned her over into his lap. "Here," he said into the receiver, "I'll put the lady of the house on." He passed the phone to Erin. "Say, 'Hunnicutt residence,'" he instructed. Erin put the phone to her ear and repeated it.

"It sure is!" came her father's jubilant reply through the phone. "Erin, guess what! You're a big sister! Mommy had the baby, and it's a little boy!"

"She did?"

"Yeah, she did."

"How did she have him?"

"That's a question we'll talk about another time. Say, would you like to come see him?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, Hawkeye's going to bring you. You can't come inside, but you'll come to the window and Mommy and I will hold him up so you can see him, okay?"

"I'm wearing my Dorothy dress."

"That's a perfect outfit to meet your little brother in. Now put Hawkeye back on. I love you, sweetie."

"Love you too, Daddy." She handed the phone back. 

"Beej?" Hawkeye said, before covering the phone and mouthing "put your shoes on," to Erin. She hopped down and made for the door. "I'm here. How's she doing? Good. Good. I'll be there with Erin in about twenty minutes. Eighteen if she manages her shoes without me. And - yeah? Oh. Listen, tell her I love her too." His voice dropped to a whisper, just barely enough for Erin to make out as she struggled with her straps. "I love you so much, Beej. I can't wait to see him."

By the time Hawkeye made it to the door, his eyes were bright and red. Erin looked up. "I almost got them," she said, sticking the unbuckled shoe up toward him. Hawkeye knelt down and buckled it against his knee. 

"You certainly did, big girl," he said. "Hey, you know what? Did Daddy say what your baby brother's name is?" 

Erin shook her head.

"It's Daniel. I think we're going to call him Danny, what do you think about that?"

"I like it."

Hawkeye smiled a smile that looked more like crying than laughing. Erin slipped her hand in his and squeezed it as she tugged him out the door toward the car. "I like it, too," he said softly, as he opened the door. "Almost as much as I like Erin."

Erin looked up at him with a worry she hadn't really considered yet. He frowned. "But don't worry," he added, "You will always be my number one girl. Forever and ever." He bent down to kiss the top of her head, then shut the door, bracing himself to take the wheel.


	12. Chapter 12

Hawkeye yawned as he circled the kitchen, waiting for the bottle on the stove. One arm held Danny tightly curled against his shoulder; despite the exhaustion, he was proud of how fast he'd settled the baby down this time. Hadn't even woken Erin.

Hawkeye had quickly discovered how much he liked the night shift - both the quiet and the peace in the house, and the feeling of holding down the fort, protecting Peggy's rest. Funny, though, how going to work after a night with the baby was more difficult than a marathon of surgery on just a few hours of sleep. No adrenaline, he supposed. 

He had thought it would be harder, being alone with Danny. His first phone call after BJ came home from the hospital and took over the childcare was to Sidney Freedman. He'd stretched the phone cord until he could slip into the closet in their bedroom, and started hyperventilating as soon as the psychiatrist picked up.

"Hawkeye? Is that you?"

"Sid?"

"Yes, I'm here. What's wrong?"

"How come you always assume something's wrong when I call?"

"Maybe because you sound like you've run a marathon while being chased by the business end of a bayonet. Am I wrong?"

"Sid, the baby's here."

"...the baby?"

It really had been a long time. 

"It's a long story, Sid, but I've been staying with the Hunnicutts," Hawkeye felt the lie slip into place, as easily as it had with his father two years prior. "And BJ's wife just had a baby." Keep it simple. That's all Sid needed to know.

"Oh," Sidney said, his voice suffused with understanding. "And you're...staying?"

_Of course I am,_ Hawkeye nearly spat. "Uh, yeah," he said. "For the foreseeable future. They're not about to give up their live-in Uncle Nanny just because their hands are now doubly full."

"I see," said Sidney in a tone that suggested he saw far more than Hawkeye was saying. "And now there's a new baby in the house. Have you - have you been around many children in the last few years?"

"No," Hawkeye whispered. "Just Erin, but she's...older. Sid, what if I can't?"

"Look, Hawkeye," Sidney said kindly. "This isn't a surprise, right? You knew this was coming. And for as long as you're...staying with the Hunnicutts, children are, I daresay, going to continue to be a part of that picture. And clearly - " he paused as static crackled on the line. He didn't want to say this poorly. " - clearly you are a part of that picture as well," he finished."

"What are you saying, Sidney?"

"I suppose I'm saying your subconscious isn't stupid," he said. "It's giving you a chance to try again."

"Try again?!" Hawkeye yelped. "My history with - _children_ \- isn't a poker game. It's not the sort of thing you get to mess up more than once and then come back and try to play yourself out of debt next week!"

"No," Sidney sighed. "But the history of humanity is one in which we've gotten to try over and over after messing up in ways far bigger than you have," he said pointedly. He searched for a way to ask the question that burned on his mind and found nothing graceful. "And if you have...a connection...to a child...if you care for him and love him and know him, you'll find it all the more impossible to...conceive of letting any harm come to him," he finished quietly. 

Hawkeye nodded before he remembered that Sidney couldn't see him. "But what if he cries?" he asked in a small, small voice.

*

Two weeks in, and he'd already seen the extent to which the baby could fill a house with screaming. He'd watched Erin clap her hands over her ears and yell, "STOP, BABY!" 

But while his cries did make him remember the war, the Incident, a new voice (one that sounded remarkably like the patient tones of one Dr. S. Freedman) had emerged. 

"This isn't that," said Sidney calmly in his head. "You can let him cry. And if you care for him, he'll stop. And then he'll cry again, and you get to try again."

_Cry again, try again._ The words settled into a patter that matched his footsteps. On his shoulder, Danny started to squirm and fuss. Hawkeye paused in front of the stove, grabbed the bottle and, without a spare patch of arm or elbow to test it on, tilted his head to the side and dribbled a few drops onto the sensitive skin of his neck. Just warm enough. 

He settled the baby into the crook of his elbow - a motion far more practiced and natural than it had been two weeks ago - and sat in BJ's easy chair.

He heard someone get out of bed upstairs and listened intently for the footfalls. BJ. Hawkeye squinted at the clock over the mantle and just barely made out the hands. Only a little after two. Danny finished the bottle, and Hawkeye stood up, bringing him back to his shoulder and patting his tiny back. He'd forgotten a cloth to protect his shoulder again. Damnit. Well, it's not like his pajamas were anything to write home about. 

Hawkeye hummed a wordless tune as he paced the living room, waiting for Danny to burp and for the reassuring sounds of BJ's footsteps heading back into the bedroom. Neither came for a moment, and then BJ's enormous feet appeared at the top of the stairs and started to descend, just as Danny decided to spit up all the way down his back.

Hawkeye couldn't suppress a soft, "Ugh," and a, "Charming, my boy, charming." He glanced up at BJ, leaning against the stair rail and scrubbing at his eyes with the heel of his hand.

"You got him?" BJ asked softly. 

"Oh yeah," Hawkeye said easily, shifting Danny to his other side and wiping his mouth with the hem of his sleeve. "I feel similarly about these pajamas. Definitely in need of a change."

BJ held his arms out. "Here, I got him for a minute. Go change." 

Hawkeye handed him over, watching the sleep slip from BJ's face as he laid eyes on his son. Hawkeye stripped out of his pajama top as he left, prompting a low, teasing whistle from BJ. Hawkeye turned around and smirked.

He changed into a regular t-shirt and came back to the living room. Danny was asleep. Hawkeye held out his arms, giving BJ a reproachful look as BJ held up a finger, asking for one more minute.

"That's the deal, Beej," he whispered, carefully extracting the baby. "You'll get your turn for a sleepless night tomorrow. C'mon. Back to bed." 

"I know, I know," BJ grumbled. "It's just - they're so wonderful when they're like this."

Hawkeye softened, looking down and the scrunched and sleeping face. "Yeah," he said. "They're really something." He looked back up at BJ, who was swaying slightly, his eyes already closed. "Go on," he nudged. "You get four more hours, and you'd better use them before I start resenting you."

BJ nodded and started to climb. Hawkeye walked carefully back to the guest room and laid Danny in the bassinet next to his bed, his back groaning as he held himself bent over, letting the baby relax before he tried to slip his hands away. He eyed the pile of diapers and pins on his dresser, betting himself it'd be about an hour before he'd have to be up again, and crawled back into bed, sleep claiming him before his head touched the pillow.


End file.
